1. Communication. Communication. Communication. - from my Grandma Pearl. Before I got married the first time (I've been married twice in case I never mentioned that), I asked my grandma the secret to a long marriage. She said, "Baby..." then she slapped her knee three times for each word for effect.. "it's communication, communication, communication."
This was my response: "WTF?"
I was 24 at the time. Not the brightest bulb in the box.
At 43, I get it.
Life will continue to kick you in the ass until you finally figure it out. It's like Oprah says, the lesson will come as a whisper, then a brick, until you get it. My mom says an entire brick wall fell on top of me around this one. This lesson applies to any intimate relationship and estranged family members and friends.
2. A marriage is a living breathing thing. When it dies, you must grieve the loss. - from Vivian Nichols. I met Vivian at the Yoga for Women of Color Retreat at Kripalu in May 2013. That November, she came to one of my yoga classes. I had been physically separated from Rom for four months at the time, so that advice came early on. It was the single best piece of advice I received around my divorce. It helped me move through all five stages of grief (denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance) without getting stuck in one stage for too long. Which leads to:
3. Forgiveness. - every major spiritual text ever written. Prolonged anger and resentment toward people, places, and things only poisons your body, mind, and spirit. The greater the offense, the greater the pain, therefore the greater the need to forgive.
Self-forgiveness is a big one too. We all do stupid s&^$. We carry around shame and self-loathing way too long. I may have to write a long post on this one alone. I've seen it in myself and almost everyone I know. When you forgive yourself, you feel better about you. Which leads to:
4. When you love yourself, everything in your life works. - from Louise Hay. Don't sleep on this one. I have read You Can Heal Your Life like a bagazillion times. If I were stuck on an island, I'd take it and The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder. Louise's premise is simple: most people don't love themselves. They don't think they are worthy of life's goodness. Back to what I said in #3 about forgiveness, we carry guilt, shame, anger, revenge around in our hearts and self-sabotage ourselves.
It's easy to roll your eyes around self-love. I have been working on this one, and I see the benefits. Louise advocates mirror work. Start here: http://www.louisehay.com/lovingyourself-video1
5. When you don't know what to do, love yourself. - from Gina Laverde. Piggybacking on #4...Gina just said this to me on Saturday. Today I lifted weights (back & biceps, and legs), practiced yoga nidra, and took a yoga class, all in one day. I haven't done anything like that for myself since I have had children. And Raymond is thirteen! I'm like, okay, this is cool. Lately, I haven't known what to do, so that is where the cleanse (Day 21!) came from. Do whatever you like. It can be simple. Watch a funny TV show. Massage your feet. Dance in your living room. You'll be able to think better afterward, and it will be easier to know what move to make when you feel lost.
6. Trust in Love for all your days. - my Mocha Angels. I channeled my Mocha Angels book in 2005. Every message started with "Trust in the Lord for all your days." Trust in God? Understood. But something wasn't right. It didn't click. I recently heard, "It's Trust in LOVE for all your days." THAT felt right to me. I interpret it to mean to always trust in something greater, bigger, and grander than yourself. Make Love the highest guide in your decision-making process. Love is unchanging, and it's the highest emotion we can feel for each other.
After my topsy-turvy 2015, I'm ready to listen to all of this awesome advice. Feel free to share the best advice you ever received.
Love,
Althea
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