Monday, March 31, 2008

The Real Brick Wall: My Heart

That's me and Amaadi, my partner in the 14-day juice feast, at a raw potluck last night. We both had a great time. I saw two friends, Vaneta and Niloo, that I hadn't seen in a while. And I forgot to take pictures of the food! Doh! Our feast began this morning, but I'll post what I drank and the corresponding emotions and detox symptoms starting tomorrow.

So you know how you have what Oprah calls "a lightbulb moment?" I had one at the potluck. In my last post I mentioned my "brick wall" dream. Ty Pennington said it would take 2 weeks to knock down the brick wall. Last night, Michael, who coordinates these potlucks in Baltimore, said he'd done a juice feast when he was having family problems. He said he realized his heart had been closed, and his his juicing open him back up. That's when the light bulb went off in my head.

Last summer, a friend of mine who is a Dragon Reiki Master told me that my heart was like a brick wall. Those were his exact words. At the time, I kinda sorta got it, but not completely. Last night, it all came together with Michael's words.

I've posted about my disabled relatives before. In the March 2008 issue of Yoga Journal, there's a feature article about Care for the Caregiver. Anybody caring for elderly or disabled family needs to read that. I saw myself all over it. What started off as compassion has turned to resentment within me. I'm just keeping it real. Thank God, it's a normal emotion, but I've stayed in that space for too long. I closed my heart to protect myself from my relatives, who will suck me and Rom dry if we let them. But...since they live with us, my hardened heart has spread, like a virus, to my other relationships, even my husband and children. I knew it, but I didn't KNOW it.

When I was going through the worst of the "emotional quicksand" I withdrew from my family. That was a mistake. I think I thought they wouldn't want to hear from me, which is totally not true. The Hughes Family, descended from ancestors of Pilot Mountain, North Carolina, has got to to be the coolest people on the planet. My pity party mode was pretty pitiful. I even see it with my friends, who I do not see often enough. That is about to change.

I'm adding Heart Centered meditations and kriyas (set of yoga poses) to my juice feast. I know this is going to be an emotional ride, but I don't want to be resentful or depressed about my situation. That puts me in victim mode, which is against my core belief that we are co-creators of our lives. So you all join me! I love the emails I'm getting, so please keep them coming :-).

And here's pictures of the Hughes clan from when I was in Detroit last month:
Karis, me, Christian, Donovan, my brother Chad, our grandparents, J.K. and Pearl Jane

My dad's sisters: Beverlyn Lynn, Tawana, and Gloria

The Brunch: Grandma (back to camera), Great-Aunt Geraldine, Great-Aunt Opal, Donovan, Beverly Lynn, Karis, Christian, and Grandpa


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