Saturday, April 12, 2008

Days 10, 11, & 12: Emotionally Free

On Day 10, I had:
6 cups water
2 cups carrot/apple/broccoli juice
2 cups carrot/apple/broccoli/ginger juice
3 1/2 cups apple/lemon/broccoli juice
2 cups orange juice

Not a whole lot happened today. I spent most of the day at home with my sons. I was anticipating how I would do on Day 11. My oldest disabled relative had an appointment with her psychiatrist on Thursday. I'll admit it now: I have never taken her to any doctor appointment (family practitioner, endocrinologist, psychiatrist, therapist, thyroid surgeon, colon surgeon) without grabbing a Dove candy bar or Hershey bar. Never, not once. I knew it was an emotional response to all of this caretaking, but I didn't know how to stop it. Hence, why I am doing this fast.

My anxiety must have been high, because that night, I had a dream that I think was about obstacles. I was born in Detroit, and lived in Southfield, Michigan for seven years. This dream took place in Southfield. I was driving on Telegraph Road, which is the main road to the entrance of our subdivision. It was dark and the road was muddy. At closer look, the mud was really black-eyed peas in water, but it was quite treacherous. Furniture fell off a truck ahead of me. Some men in other cars stopped to move the furniture. I kept driving because I needed to get home ahead of my mother, father, and brother. When I got home, all the lights were off. I turned them on and immediately headed for the kitchen and starting eating without thought. And in the dream, I was on a fast. But I couldn't stop eating.

Which leads to Day 11...

On Day 11, I had:
6 cups water
2 cups apple/lemon/romaine juice
2 cups carrot/apple/romaine juice
1 33.8 oz Bolthouse Green smoothie
2 cups apple/lemon/parsley/broccoli juice
2 cups carrot/apple/romaine/parsley/broccoli/lemon juice

Okay...I got through the day without eating! Whoo Hoo! And I've lost 4 more pounds!

But it was a very long day. When I went to pick up my relative from her day program for her psychiatrist appointment, I was told two disturbing things. First, I was told she got irate when one of the workers suggested her bag was too heavy for her. If you haven't read my "Bag Lady" post, it is here. Then I was told that she is stealing magazines under the guise of helping our other disabled relative (they are in the same program). What the deuce? I didn't say anything until we got home. But I was gone much longer than I thought. I dropped her off, went to the store, got myself a Bolthouse Green Smoothie and some water. I got the kids a veggie sub at Subway. Then I picked my relative up, and walked her to a lab right next door to get blood drawn, which her endocrinologist needs.

Once we were home, I told my relative "No more bags. Take only a notebook and pens to your program." Between me and Rom, we both got cussed out. I won't repeat what she said because you all will think we are crazy for putting up with all of this. I walked away from her. I didn't raise my voice. And I didn't have any cravings for candy, chocolate, or anything else. For the first time, ever, probably, I felt emotionally free.

I call me and this relative a "juxtaposition of opposites." Her "bag" is a physical manifestation of her pain. She clings to her "bag" and "stuff" for dear life. I found a piece of paper in her bag from 1978. Yes, 1978. I need to take a picture so you all believe me. I feel for her now, but this would be a lot easier if she weren't so damn MEAN.

But for me, I am committed to healing me and letting go of my stuff, which has been holding me back. I want to travel through this life as light as possible.

No major detox today, just feeling great that I got through the day!

On Day 12, I had:
6 cups water
3 cups carrot/apple/lemon/romaine/parsley juice
1 cup apple/broccoli/lemon juice
2 cups orange juice
1 cup apple/broccoli/parsley juice
2 cups apple/lemon/parsley

So my relative starts the day by trying to take a smaller bag to her program. No go. This is how my day started. She was IRATE. But I was chill. I'm always thinking "how is her madness affecting my children?" So no more craziness. She doesn't have anywhere else to go, but her dementia is getting to the point where, for that reason alone, we are considering long-term care somewhere else. She is forgetting to take important medication, so I'll have to start giving it to her.

By 4:00pm, I was pooped. Just no energy. I was in bed by 7:30pm. That was the first time during this fast that I was completely exhausted. I woke up this morning feeling great. I'm taking a vegetable gardening class and I am really excited.

I'm also ready to eat! I got a copy of Fresh: The Ultimate Live-Food Cookbook by Sergei and Valya Boutenko. And excellent book! I'm ready to start creating dishes again. But I am amazed that through all of this more cooked food cravings have been minimal to none.

I'm off now, but tomorrow is that last day! Whoo Hoo!

Until then...and if you read this far, thank you.
Althea ◦

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